If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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