Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't want my vagina anymore.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
