Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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