i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
