Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
