I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
whose parrot is this?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
