My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
