Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
