you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
