You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
