Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
