Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
there is glitter all over my balls
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
