You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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