She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
