how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
