apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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