you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
