dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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