This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
