Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
