I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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