turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I AM VODKA MAN
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
