my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
