I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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