If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
