I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
