His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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