She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
