My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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