I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
