I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
