I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
