UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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