i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Michael Bay diarrhea
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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