it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize