Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
