I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
