Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize