in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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