yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
