Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
