hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
