when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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