ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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