Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
