There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
