12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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