69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
