but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
