Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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