Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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