forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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