I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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