His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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