Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
