I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
