i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
