but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
