Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My bed smells like the plague
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
