What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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