Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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