Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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