Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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