brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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