Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize