Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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