oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize