well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
