My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
