Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
