If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
