Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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