he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
