So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
