I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
