I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
