Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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