Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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