Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
