Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
