Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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