I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
