hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
