I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
