North Korea, Best Korea!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize