dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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