you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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