well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
