matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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