god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have tasted many bathrooms
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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