I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
