The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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