New invention idea: vibrating tampons
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
