is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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