please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
