Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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