fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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