And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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