just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
