u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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